Life. It’s often hard, always a gift, sometimes quite unpredictable. Yet in the middle of our life situations God is with us. As we follow Him, the journey of life, whether good or bad, becomes a sacred one–set apart for His will and His glory. If we could “get” the truth that our lives are about a much bigger picture than just the circumstances we see, we would embrace the gift in the hard places, knowing that He has us and is working.
I began a new chapter of this sacred journey of life a week ago. One call changed my circumstances, but that call did not change the truth that God is with me…
These days I cry every morning. It’s not that I want to, it just comes from out of nowhere. Fresh hot tears as sure as my fresh hot coffee.This morning I actually was so angry that I slugged the pillows on the sofa, not a pretty sight. Certainly out of character for me. The moment I heard the Dr. say the words, it’s malignant, my heart sank, tears came despite my best attempt to hold myself together. I paced about the kitchen trying to find a scrap of paper to write down what she was saying, and everything from that point began to blur.
The pathology report showed ductal carcinoma in situ, intermediate grade—DCIS for short. The good news: it’s not invasive and I have a great prognosis. The bad news: It’s cancer and I still have to go through surgery and treatments. A few hours later I was called by the oncology nurse asking if I could come in the next day to see her and have things explained to me. I made that appointment followed by making an appointment a few days later to meet with the team of doctors assigned to my case. The week has been spent vacillating between acceptance and denial; reading and crying; optimism and fear.One call put me into the front of the line for this roller coaster ride called cancer. With one word my immediate schedule has changed and within one week I have been up and down the tracks of this roller coaster ride…quite a few times.
Who knew? Who knew I would be here one day? I happen to be a woman that never once thought of breast cancer in relation to my own breasts. I didn’t do monthly breast exams, but I did get my obligatory yearly mammogram. Thankfully this early form of cancer was caught on my routine mammogram and for that I am grateful. Girls get your mammogram!
But it’s funny how gratefulness can be stolen from us the moment we have to dive into decisions, details and paths that we do not want to travel down. Still, in the middle of this journey it is my personal goal to find the joy in the day, to find the grace in the moment and to find as Ann Voskamp says, the truth that Eucharisteo precedes the miracle.
The giving of thanks opens our hearts to receive from a God who is always love.
So back to, Who Knew? That is the question that has a reassuring answer . God knew. He is the God who sees, the God who knows me, the God who holds me in his hand. He is the God who promised that all things are working together for good in my life because I love him. He is the God who says he can be trusted through the storms in life because He has overcome the world. He is the God who inspired the Apostle Paul to pen the words, “ though outwardly we are wasting away, inwardly we are renewed day by day.”
Going forward it’s one day a time for me. Today started with tears and then some pretty intense pillow hitting. That’s ok. Life isn’t a paint by number piece. It’s messy and the color blurs lines. People like you and me have wrestled with emotions, the human process in hard times and other such things for as long as life has been recorded.
David, the great Psalmist, recorded lament and discouragement in the same breath that he records joy and praise to the Most High God. For you and me, the most important thing is to learn to follow in the good, the bad and the ugly. The most important thing is to pay attention to the truth in Scripture and the promises of God’s tender care and faithfulness.
Wherever you are, whatever you face today…God is with you…of this I am sure. And, He is with me too. What joy it is to be taken care of. What joy it is to look trouble in the face, shed a few tears, slug a few pillows and still come out trusting God. What joy it is to know Jesus. We get to choose. We can live UP, under the promise of God’s love for us….or we can choose to live buried under the pain of our problems. The choice is ours.
How can I pray for you?
Debbie
Hey friend, I’m a 22-year cancer survivor. If you want someone who will believe with you, cheer you on, and see it from a God perspective, I’m your girl.
Thanks Suzie.The past few weeks a whirlwind. Will be in touch. I appreciate you!
Thank you Debbie.. your gift of words is beautiful..You express your deepest thoughts in a way that ministers to so many. Today I pray that you continue to allow yourself to feel all there is to feel: anger, frustration, sadness, why me… for our Abba understands our human condition I kept thinking this morning about my own little situation… I don’t know my future but I do know who holds it. One day in heaven we will sit and laugh or the temporary pain and his great glory we will get to be with each moment. As I promised I am praying each day for you and whenever you come to mind. Be still and know that I am God.. love you friend
ps please pray that I can continue to track with my body and not obsess over the changes and losing body parts….(silly me, I don’t need those anymore anyway)
and also for the doctor apts upcoming need to be at Stanford for a consultation Monday am at 9 am… thankfully my teen is on a houseboat trip.. God is good
Thank you for your prayers Sandi. I am praying for you as well. God is good and He is with you. Love and Hugs!
Dear Dear Debbie: With you in this for the long haul.
Thanks Fran! I love you!
Prayers for healing for you.
Thank you Cindy! I appreciate it so much!…and love being in touch again . Bless you!
Debbie, Debbie, Debbie Alsdorf…it is never boring following Jesus…I’m on summer break from working at Leo Croce Elementary school, so please feel free to call or text me for any errands or for any needs you may have arise…337-4228…all my love, my sweet, sweet sister in Christ Jesus…plh…xoxoxoxoxo
Thanks Patty for your encouragement and support. Love you!
This is just another chapter in your book, created by God. May you look back at this history someday and continue to witness love, glory and the peace of God to everyone you meet.
PS-I think you might be called into “hospital ministry” right now…as you encounter other men and women facing breast cancer treatment too. Fight the battle as a community!
Thank you Christine for your encouragement and support. Bless you! Hugs!
Your faith is Amazing…. Praying for you…
Thank you for your prayers Rebecca! Bless you!
Debbie,
I wish I was here to hand you and do whatever for you. You are in my thoughts and prays. You are loved. Blessings.
Thank you Sue! Bless you!
Dear Debbie,
Two of the verses we hang onto are Romans 15:13 & Psalms 27:13. I am confident that you will make a good grade on this test. God will hold your hand every step of the journey. Isaiah 41:10. Know that you are loved and prayed for and never alone.
Dear Debbie,
Two of the verses we hang onto are Romans 15:13 & Psalms 27:13. I am confident that you will make a good grade on this test. God will hold your hand every step of the journey. Isaiah 41:10. Know that you are loved and prayed for and never alone
Thank you Carole….verses of truth are just as important to me these days, as are Drs. appt and treatment 🙂 God is good and I thank you for your love and prayers!
As usual, your emotions are perfectly articulated. Such encouraging words. This was so good for me to hear today. Grace, healing and comfort to you, precious you.
Love you Sylvia!
Debbie, thanks for your transparency and truth as you share this journey with those of us who love you. Sending my love and hugs across the miles.
Under the mercy, Cindy
Thank you Cindy. I love you and thank God for how HE uses your life and message…and just who you are as an encourager!
Love your whole blog entry….especially, “What a joy it is to know Jesus”. God bless you Debbie, and hope to see you soon so I can give you a hug in real life! Can’t speak on the cancer part, just know that God is guiding you and placing all the right people & Dr’s in your path…Amen!!
Thanks Diana! You are a great encourager!
Debbie, I believe every woman who hears those horrific words feels VIOLATED ! We are stunned and think, “I didn’t just hear that!” Cry my dear….. and hit that friggin pillow whenever you feel like it! I’m crying with you.
Thanks for all your encouragement Diana. I love you and though I am sorry you walked this path before me, I thank God that you have been willing to share your journey with me. It has helped. Bless You!
I just started reading The Faith Dare this morning, I have been through a 3 year walk with God that has left me going through the motions . . .and I so want to do more than just “abide” with Christ . .I want to grow. so i googled you and just read your post. I am so sorry that you are facing this. Cancer is a scary, hard journey. But you are not alone . . . you are in a battle and we can all be your prayer warriors!
Praying for stamina, strength, wise decisions, kind caregivers, rest, and that God protect your spirit. Praying that He be with you in a BIG way. . . .
(now, about hitting that pillow . .much better than the dozen plates I broke! )
Hi Suzy! So glad you are doing the Faith Dare! God has so much for us in Christ. As we learn to trust Him more and more and challenge everything within us that is NOT of faith…we begin to change. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement! bless you!
Debbie, As I think of you today, just getting this news..thinking of what you have written, I think about what you have been through, your first marriage ending in divorce, you Mom passing and so much more and through it all you stayed true to God. I loved sitting near you at Cornerstone, I knew when I heard you sing, without looking I knew that beautiful voice was yours. At the conferences, and Christmas dinners, you were always so uplifting. The message was always for others and you touched our hearts.
I saw dottie Rambo on a Gaither tape and she was talking about writing her first song not even a teenager, she went in and sang it to her Mom. Dottie’s Mom told her tht she would suffer for that gift. And she did, but beautiful music she wrote.
Seems like it goes that way with you Debbie. Your faithfulness to the Father and your faithfulness to all the women in your care…well, it reminds me of a song The Crabb Family sings “He will take you through the fire again”. Cry if you need to Debbie, but you can look back at the “fire” you have walked though holding on to the hand of the Almighty God … Well, don’t you think something wonderful is coming when this fire is passed?
I love you for your service, your personal stories, the gift of you to countless numbers all over the world, you are special in His sight. Jason Crabb sings another song his father wrote called ” Sometimes I Cry”…your tears are in a bottle…Thank you special lady. I will talk to the Father for you.
Thank you Sue for your encouragement and your words. Yes, I do think something Good will ultimately come from this. I am counting on it!